
Find out who your team drafted and how many drinks you should have!
Pro-Tip: If you’re a Jets or Browns fan, double the number.
Why are there only 32 players this year, my two readers ask? Because grad school is busy, sue me.
Please don’t – I have nothing to offer but debt.
GAMEWRECKERS
- Rueben Bain Jr. – Edge, Miami (FL)
This man should thank god every day for the rest of his life that the New York Jets are too stupid to draft him.
54 TKL (55.6%) / 15.5 TFL / 9.5 SK / 83 PRS (#1)/ 1 INT / 1 PD / 1 FF

Thunderous burst. Gets impressively skinny on THE BEND. Ducks blockers like a ghost, crushing the QB without being touched. Ragdolls bigger guards; freezes them with a shimmy and hurls them when they reach. Regardless of measurements (we’ll get there), he has the visual build of an edge. Bulky and fast. Plays violent.
Just destroyed blockers. Picked them up in the coupe and drove them around block even when they clamped an arm around his throat. Races back upfield to make the tackle. Imposes his will at the line of scrimmage.
Bain, almost singlehandedly, held the best running back in the country to 33 yards on 10 carries. Watch what this guy did to Notre Dame. No one on earth can tackle Love, the guy averaged 7 fucking yards per carry, and Bain is out here ripping blockers off like bandaids and smashing Love to the ground over, and over, and over.
But there’s the tyrannosaurs in the room. Bain arrived to the NFL Combine with the third-shortest arms ever measured for an edge. Concerns have mounted. Was it possible for Bain to record the most tackles for loss in the country with no arms? Can an armless man sack the quarterback? Could Air Bud successfully run a curl route? In lieu of further philosophy, let’s look to science – to data. Luckily, we have many such examples of what happens when a team foolishly drafts an edge with short arms. We have evidence of the long odds a man with short arms will face in the NFL. There’s a whole list of highly-drafted rushers in the past 15 years whose arm length measurements also fell into the bottom 20 percentile. Pop quiz, what do these guys all have in common?
- Aidan Hutchinson
- Nik Bonitto
- Micah Parsons
- Trey Hendrickson
- Everson Griffen
- Geno Atkins
- Aaron Donald
If you guessed they’re all pro bowlers, wrong! They actually were all voted to an All-Pro team. Also, they’re all pro bowlers.
Do you know how Indiana stopped Bain in the national championship? Before the start of each play, they spotted the man with the flapping little armlets, pointed at him, and said “let’s run the opposite fucking way.” Until the second quarter, that is, when they ran in his direction for the first time – not at him, mind you, but merely toward the half of the field on which he played – and he promptly stomped the running back into the turf for a six-yard loss. “But seriously, what about the his arms, oh nooo, let’s draft the guy who had 6 sacks in three years instead” This guy spent more time in the backfield than Mendoza, and this godforsaken cesspool of an organization is going to oh look, Bain threw Mendoza into ground for the 12th time this half, thank god we have a tape measure for those little nub nubs
Oh, now I see the Jets plan, they’ve uncovered the same secret sauce Indiana found, they too have cracked the code and stolen the Krabby Patty formula. Just triple team Bain, commit holding every play, and construct your entire offensive game plan around avoiding him at all costs, and voila! Solved, let’s move on. Thank god the New York Jets are a reputable organization that doesn’t have a sordid history of skipping megastar defensive line prospects high in the draft.
KEY MATCHUP: The meteor that wiped out his people.
Final Word: The New York Jets aren’t going to select the best player in the country because his arms are too short. This team makes me sick..
- MANSOOR DELANE – CB, LSU
Mirror on wheels – Quarterbacks, don’t bother.
45 TKL (57.8%) / 2 INT / 11 PD

Gallops with the receiver. So fast that he can run lateral dozens of yards upfield without ever taking eyes off the quarterback. Tough and handsy at the line. Knows when to switch. Quick trigger reaction and play recognition, knows when to crash. Outrageously fast, gets himself across the field in a heartbeat. Excellent closing burst.
Does not efficiently beat run blocks. Outmuscled on physical breaks.
KEY MATCHUP: Alabama (Bernard): Not thrown at once. Lot of deep shell and zone. Too bad – was a mirror on man routes. Intelligent and timely switches on zone. Thrown at once when caught carrying his zone across two players, dashed in and broke up a seemingly-sure TD.
Final Word: Pure coverage corner with the grace and speed to match his excellent instincts in both man and zone.
- Fernando Mendoza – QB, Indiana
More interested in LinkedIn than linking up.
3,535 YD / 72% / 41 TD / 6 INT / 1 Heisman / 1 National Championship

Efficient processor. Snaps off a quick release when needed. Athletic and unafraid to run. Not a cannon but has an NFL-caliber arm. V.A.T.S.-precision. Decisive in the teeth of pressure. Threatens every area of the field – deep, sideline, middle, nowhere is safe. Anticipates and throws timing routes to the sideline like a pro. Willing to stand and deliver in a collapsing pocket. Unafraid to throw off platform and at tough angles, but this is the one place where his accuracy is inconsistent.
Always makes the right throw. Exceptional poise at all times. Unfazed by an interception – comes right back out flinging. RPO conductor, ran it to great success all year.
So decisive that it sometimes bites back. When he makes a choice, he makes it. Rolls out prematurely, making things tougher than necessary. Does not always keep his eyes downfield when on the move. Needs to learn to slide. Takes way too many unnecessary hits launching himself headfirst. Love the passion, but (don’t) use your head.
“Infamously” nice guy. 0 character concerns, Vegas won’t be a problem. Was ready to transition to a business career before he became this. Originally committed to Yale out of high school before opting instead for the dummy jock “we ain’t come to play school” route of attending…Cal-Berkeley. Man, some people really just have it all.
KEY MATCHUP: Ohio State and the endless list of NFL first rounders – Unreal. Future NFL players screaming into his face all night, and he just delivers. And delivers. And delivers. His 4th and 2 throw at 6:30 in the second quarter is absurd. Perfect strike, falling away and getting crushed by instant pressure in a high-leverage moment. Iced the game on a beautiful back shoulder throw with 2 minutes to go and a 3 point lead in the jaws of instant pressure from Styles.
Final Word: I am not saying I would take Mendoza third overall. What his ranking here means is that I think he is the third best-player in this draft, not that he is the third-most valuable prospect. If I had the #2 pick this year, I would make the Raiders an offer they could not refuse. 3 firsts. Five. Who cares. Should have gotten it done.
- Kenyon Sadiq – TE, Oregon
What on god’s green earth is this thing wearing human skin
51 REC (#5) / 560 YD (#8) / 8 TD (#1)

Freakish combination of speed, power, vertical and catching ability. Absurd receiving radius. Jaw-dropping highlights. Dangerous without the ball. Dangerous with the ball.
Snarling, hateful blocker. This guy is an absolute terror who warps entire defenses with presence alone. Teams have to double cover him. They are double. Covering. A. Tight. End. He lines up everywhere. 58.5% slot, 10.7% wide, 27.7% inline.
6 drops, second-most in the country! That’s almost as many times as he hurdled a linebacker this season.
QB posted a 139.9 rating when throwing to him, second-best in the country. That’s counting the drops. Outrageous. Just two other tight ends – two – who finished as a top 20 blocker were also a top 20 receiver. Unicorn versatility.
He ran a 4.39 40 at 240lbs. He ran a four-point-thirty-nine-second-forty-yard-dash-as-a-tight-end. A 240lb man who benches 435 ran 40 yards in less time than it took me to type that sentence. He leapt 43.5” high and 11’1” broad. I’ve heard whispers he even slayed a hydra and deep-cleaned an exceptionally filthy locker room in a single day.
Final Word: The best athlete in the draft is also the best receiver and also an elite blocker and is also, supposedly, a human being.
- Dillon Thieneman – S, Oregon
If I had a nickel for every great safety I’ve seen who were white guys with last names starting “Thie-” and ending “-man”, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it’s happened twice.
72 TKL / 8.3% Miss / 30 Stops / 4 PD / 2 INT

Fast-fast, like you-should-take-a-pil-for-that-fast. Nice closing burst. Quick-trigger reactions. Angry, fearless tackler. Attacks much larger ballcarriers with solid fundamentals (sort of a given, since that’s all of them). Active at all levels of the field. Cuts simultaneous to receiver in coverage. Launches blockers at a rate shocking for his size. Unfazed by play action. Sixth sense for where the ball is going. Adept at expanding the zone while moving – not equal to Downs, but still high level. Knows exactly when to break and bring pressure.
Small. Can be overpowered by larger ball carriers. Will always be a problem. No matter how much bulk he adds, he is the size he is.
Plays with fire – always high-fiving, rallying the group, communicating. Three years of consistent production and improved every year. The advanced stats bear out his versatility, as do his lineup numbers – 53% in the box, 45% in coverage (30% deep, 15% slot). Only two other players that finished as a top-20 tackler also finished top-20 in coverage (#17 and #19). To finish as the #13 tackler and #2 coverage safety is astounding. I could go on with examples combining any of his five stats. He is an anomaly, and the eye test supports it all. So does his athletic testing: 4.35 40-yard, 41” vert.
KEY MATCHUP: #1 Indiana – Was locked in on where the play was going. Saw multiple pre-snap moments where he pointed exactly where the ball went. Was in the perfect spot to stop a TD run but overpowered by a larger running back.
Final Word: You’re having a meltdown that I put another safety above Downs. I know, I know. Shh, it’s okay.
- Anthony Hill Jr. – LB, Texas
You think I’m crazy. You think I’m a madman, putting Hill so high. Read on, you ignorant slut.
69 TKL (53.6%) | Nice | 7 TFL | 4 SK | 2 INT | 3 FF

Hard-hitting downhill tackler. Revving motor, charges through the whistle. Solid lateral speed. Shifty and fast on the blitz. Puts enormous pressure on linemen when he crashes, overpowering even big-body guards. High impact in the run game, must be accounted for. Doesn’t play a lot of coverage, but shows an adeptness for it. Has the speed to match up with a running back. Expertly diagnoses the play pre- and post-snap, instinctively shifts his zone and on the fly.
I don’t think Texas used him to his full potential. They deployed him as a classic thumper, but this guy can move in open space. Excellent tackler – only 3 misses all year, third-best rate in the country. Impacts nearly every play. Often the first person to force the running back to redirect or the QB to scramble and dump the ball, never lets the offense take their preferred option.
Overaggressive when trying to plug the gap and whiffs or leave a backlane open. Needs to improve his block shedding in the open field.
Fractured his hand in November game against Georgia and missed the last five games.
Did you know? In the first 10 games of the season, Texas gave up 18.3 points and 318.3 yards per game. Over a full season, these would have ranked #13 and #23 in the country.
In their last 3 games, Texas gave up 27 points and 407.3 yards per game. These would have ranked #82 and #105 nationally, putting Texas among such luminaries as…UConn and Ball State.
As a reminder, what was the one thing that changed between the first 10 games and last 3 for Texas?
Hill allowed a putrid 62.6 QB rating when thrown at, which is 14th in the country. That passes the eye test – his 63.6 coverage grade, which for comparison is 94th in the country, does not. The other two top LBs, Rodriguez & Styles, allowed an 85.9 and 86.6 QBR respectively.
Final Word: Stats are great. Eyes are better.
- Caleb Downs – Safety, Ohio State
An amorphous, spiked, ever-expanding ooze of zone.
68 TKL (66.2%) | 5 TFL | 1 SK | 2 INT | 2 PD | 2 FF

Plays all over the field, single back deep, man in the slot, up at the line. Fluidly switches zones. Innate sense of how to shade. Triples, even quadruples the size of his coverage with small twitches and miniscule jabs without ever having to actually move.
Fluidly runs and turns back without losing sight of the ball. Instinctively shuts down multiple routes with minimal movement. Rapid lateral chase. No wasted motion. Cleverly navigates traffic to maintain matchup. Aggressive tackler, prefers to go for shoestrings. Does not wait for contact, initiates and shoots, forces the conflict. Intuitive use of speed and acceleration to ride the lines and hang between zones before breaking, displays restraint and practiced patience. Head always on a swivel, surveils the field like an owl, eyes everywhere and at every angle. Swift hips, flip vertical and immediately snaps back to lateral.
Overaggressive and bites into gaps. Inconsistent tackler. Some size concerns as the other top safety, Theieneman. Unlike Theineman, unsure if Downs will have the physicality to match up with tight ends and burly running backs. Downs is going to be a great player, but I do not believe he will be the best safety in this draft.
Three-year starter, consistent high-level play.
KEY MATCHUP: #1 Texas – watch the play where he shuts down an entire half of the field single-handedly in the first quarter). Played as a one-person triple zone, blanketing entire thirds of the field. Knew exactly how to simultaneously play each route to always tilt the equation in OSU’s favor.
Final Word: Will be a coverage specialist whose role may be more limited than what people expect – not a true everything and everywhere player, but he will be a nightmare for opposing quarterbacks and receivers.
- David Bailey – Edge, Texas Tech
Sorry, bud. Welcome to Gotham.
52 TKL (61.5%) / 19.5 TFL / 14.5 SK / 73 PRS / 3 PD / 3 FF
81 pressures (#2), 21.6 win% (#15)

Disgusting first step. Slick and tight spin. Violent attack. Keeps eyes up, excellent play recognition. Comfortable and active in shallow drop. Dangerously fast, mirrors horizontal runners and even gain ground. At times looks completely unblockable on the edge – too quick and aggressive. Keen sense of where to mix his attack between plays, alternating between power and speed. Strong enough to pick up and carry larger blockers or rip them off like a grocery bag. Rips through doubles with a different move for each blocker.
Struggles to disengage once a blocker establishes grasp. Not large or strong enough to generate pressure when lined up in the middle. Incomplete player – played only 172 run defense snaps (497th) compared to 325 pass rushes (53rd).
Led the country in pressures (73), out of just 53rd most pass rushes (325). This led to what was also the best pressure rate in the country, 20.2%. For reference, Abdul-Carter, the previous #2 overall edge rusher, generated an 18.5% pressure rate.
KEY MATCHUP: Utah (Spencer Fano) – Generating havoc everywhere he goes. Forcing plays away from him, any pass attempt was required to devote him multiple blockers. Showed excellent play recognition, knew when to ride the line of scrimmage and flow laterally. Doubled and even tripled most plays.
KEY MATCHUP #2: BYU – 18 pressures, 2 TFL, 4 QB hits, 1 PD, 1 sack. Singlehandedly ruined the offense. There was not one pass where BYU had more than 2.5 seconds to throw the ball. In just the first quarter, recorded 2 pressures, 1 QB hit, 1 tip, and 1 sack off double coverage. BYU ran to the opposite side no matter where he lined up. In the second, 3 pressures, 1 TFL. By this point, Bailey is almost never allowed a one-on-one matchup. There are plays where they assign Bailey three blockers and he still shifts the action. Third – 1 TFL (on one of the few plays they dared to rush in his direction), 5 pressures (3 off doubles), 1 QB hit which created an interception. Fourth – 8 pressures, 2 QB hit (one where he simply picked up and piledrived the left tackle into the quarterback like a grocery bag), his pressures aren’t the result of a long attack – they are instant, play-wrecking attacks.
Final Word: In half of the game, Bailey is a terror. In the other half, he’s often not on the field. If availability is the best ability, than where does that leave Bailey?
GAMECHANGERS
- Ty Simpson – QB, Alabama
Every year, it’s the same thing with you fools. TIMING. ANTICIPATION. IMPROVISATION. BALLS.
Pick the guy who has them.
3,567 YD / 64.5% / 28 TD / 5 INT

Unfazed by collapsing pockets, stands tall and delivers. Shoots a crisp high-point dart with natural timing to thread the needle. Head on a swivel. Progresses through full reads. Decisive. Will frequently snap out of a scramble to fling a strong pass downfield. Pinpoint placement on midrange throws, fastballs and touch. Knows exactly where to put the ball so only his man can make a play. Clever in the pocket, fights relentlessly to keep plays alive.
Ball occasionally sails. One-year starter, but sat behind Bryce Young and Jalen Milroe for three years.
Suffered a “severe” case of gastritis toward the end of the season and lost 25 pounds. While I’m unfamiliar, it’s been explained to me as nothing short of agony. The fact that he played through it is exceptional by itself, and does some significant legwork to explain his dropoff toward the tailend of the season. He has since recovered and regained the weight.
Grew up football. Father was an NFL OC by the time Simpson was 3, and is a current D1 head coach. Rejected multiple $5+ million NIL offers to transfer and declared for the draft. Talk about confidence.
KEY MATCHUP: Georgia (First Meeting): Three minutes in, and his receivers have dropped a total of 80 yards and a touchdown. A wide, wide open touchdown on a bomb. Linedrive ball for a TD later that quarter, split the coverage. Similar play on the second TD, a rollout laser to split the seam (on his third read). Astounding vision to even spot the possibility on an altered route. Worth noting that his receivers consistently failed to create an inch of separation.
KEY MATCHUP #2: Georgia-Redux (SEC Championship) – Harried and pressured all night. George was just teeing off on him. Constantly throwing with hands in his face and at the line. Smart enough to throw it away a few times. Only had a chance when he made time with his legs. Even with screaming pressure in the 4th uncorked some nice shots at the end zone, but his receivers were not coming down with the ball. Was an excellent display of his processing speed – Simpson was making reads immediately off the line and ripping through progressions. In a nightmare game for Alabama, Simpson showed real grit and ability even as everything around him burned. As the game progressed, his reads and decisiveness crystallized and accelerated. His final fourth down of the game, Simpson led Georgia rushers on a wild goose chase through the backfield, whirling and swerving until he found the one lane into the end zone, threw a ridiculous dart off his back foot between the raised arms of double coverage, and then watched the ball clank off his receiver’s chest in the endzone for the second time in that quarter. Incredible play by Simpson that was squandered.
Final Word: Picking a QB is always a crapshoot. But this is exactly the starting hand you want. Decisive, accurate, reads the field, and the balls and vision to take some shots.
- Carnell Tate – WR, Ohio State
Who they thought MHJ was.
51 REC | 875 YD | 9 TD

Effortlessly extends to pluck the ball through physical defense. Maintains possession through the hit. Unafraid of contact. Strong hands to snag. Excellent vertical. Creates enormous amounts of space. Quick breaks and fakes in and out of cuts send defenders reeling, especially on verticals. If you throw the ball in his direction, he’s coming down with it. Expert deep route-runner, sheds corners and safeties with ease. Seems to have the strength to overpower NFL corners (as seen by how difficult it was for defenders to bring him down and how he could fight for jump balls) but he often made so much space for himself it was not showcased. Strong burst and effective speed once he’s in motion. Works well to come back to the ball. No problem plucking the ball at all extended angles. Pristine comebacks. Knows where to thread the zones. Excellent focus to catch in traffic and make precise grabs falling out of bounds. Never, ever drops the ball – literally. 0 drops. Best contested catch rate in the country (85.7%).
Thrown to by a future #1 overall pick and lining up alongside a future top-five pick at WR – how often was he matched against the second corner? Worth noting that against Indiana, when Ohio State went into power formations with one receiver, it was not Tate on the field – it was Jeremiah Smith. I know this is a power/size thing, but…makes you think regardless. Not a threat to make people miss with the ball in his hands. Out routes could use some more cut, they’re a bit rounded off.
KEY MATCHUP: Indiana – Nice TD grab, but more a Sayin play where QB rolled through pressure and kept his eyes upfield, but Tate did follow the play and work toward the roll.
Final Word: Will be a nightmare to guard with a QB who works the timing. Saints should be committing blood sacrifices to guarantee Tate falls to 8.
- Cashius Howell – Edge, Texas A&M
Bend! Bend! Bend! Insert girder.
31 TKL (64.5%) | 14 TFL | 11.5 SK | 41 PRES (13.7%) | 6 PD | 1 FF
19.9% win rate, 41 pressures (#44)

Has THE BEND. Beelines to the QB, as close to a straight line as it gets. Slipstream duck-in. Explosive takeoff. Wicked athlete. Extremely active hands – 6 deflected passes for an edge is nuts. Incredible change of direction, breaks off pursuit and zips horizontal without a hitch. Packs some power, drags blockers and sheds with a fling. Crashes into runners and blockers alike.
Uh-oh, his fucking arms are short, let’s all bust out the punch bowl and crash Heaven’s Ga let’s ignore all the evidence of our eyes and ears and pretend he didn’t obliterate every blocker who stepped in his way. What’s next, we worry about these guys’ white blood cell count? We track their fingernail growth? These guys (and you know exactly who else I’m ranting about) used this body, the one with the little baby feelers, and terrorized the SEC with it (you know, the conference with all the guys who he’ll see in the NFL). I have a feeling he won’t suddenly forget how to use his body next year because the tape measure said a bad number.
KEY MATCHUP: Rueben Bain in an arm wrestling contest.
Final Word: Can’t wait for the new Combine meta to drop. Maybe next year we’ll all be talking about sphincter squeeze strength.
- KC Concepcion – WR, Texas A&M
No, not the actress (who, you ask? You’re welcome).
61 REC / 919 YD / 9 TD / 2 Punt Return TD

House Call Alert whenever he touches the ball. Creative in space to make holes where they shouldn’t exist. Rapid, hitchy acceleration. Astounding vertical. Whips in and out of breaks without slowing a step. Gets himself open, not just through athleticism, but knowing exactly where to go. Horrid, horrid, horrid quarterbacking – a better offense and Concepcion is well past 1200 yards 12 TD. The amount of times he was wide open and the ball never came or sailed was distressing. Effortless breakaway. Maintains tough catches through intense contact. This guy couldn’t get more open if Bane split open the field and threw the entire defense into the pit. Splits time between outside and slot and is effective in both.
Scary small – 6’0, 196. Could get manhandled, and will his body hold up? Alarming drop rate, 7 this season and 19 in three years.
I struggled to decide which receiver I would take first, but ultimately the hands were the deciding factor. Tate never drops the ball. KC drops it too much. But it’s close – entirely different playstyles, so they will attract different teams.
Final Word: Zooooooooooooooom.
- Kadyn Proctor – Tackle, Alabama
An ascension to watch.
2 Sacks / 21 Pressures (#132)

Almost wide as he is tall, and that is tall at 6’7. Halts rushers with one arm. Gets low and drives, not easy for a man his size. Monumental strength, crushes rushers into the ground with ease. A piledriver on lateral run blocks, effectively walls and seals his assignment. Consistently wins the point of attack on run blocks. Proctor drives the bus. Consistently puts in the effort to truck upfield and seek new victims. Sharp instincts, knows exactly when to bounce off his initial block and find the incoming rusher.
Slow, cannot effectively shoot out and struggles to lead into the second level. He needs to go to a team that plays primarily vertical – expecting him to kick out and lead block would be a terrible waste of his talent.
Playing against Georgia, Alabama ran a screen pass to this guy – the 6’7 350 pound left tackle – and he proceeded to carry the entire Georgia team to the 1 yard line. Whoever drew that up deserves a trophy.
Horrific first year (gave up 12 sacks) and has significantly improved each of his three seasons. His worst game of the year was his first (Florida State) – this is an ascending player who improves every week.
Final Word: He will not be the best OT his rookie year. But he will end up the best in this draft class
- Jeremiyah Love – HB, Notre Dame
Why didn’t I see that gaping hole in the defenswse? (Answer: because it didn’t exist until Love tore it open).
1,372 YD / 6.9 YPC / 18 TD / 27 REC / 280 RecYD / 3 RecTD

Exceptionally fluid. Chains together moves like a fighting game combo. Tears upfield in a hurry. Shoots out the backfield like a cannon. Eager to lower his shoulder. Relentless, falls forward, strong legs keep pushing. The play isn’t over until he is on the ground. Gains a surprising number of yards even when stumbling, splays out almost like a spider to scurry for where there is nothing.
Natural catcher, a weapon as a receiver who immediately turns upfield. Decisive cuts. Extremely fast for his size. Excellent field vision with the ball in his hands, makes it look so easy to find the hole you wonder how you didn’t see it in the first place (hint: it didn’t exist yet).
Nearly identical stats between sophomore & junior years (17 TD, 6.9 ypc).
So why is he so low? Love played against two teams inside the top-20 all year, putting up 33 and 94 yards respectively. The rest of Notre Dame’s schedule was a who’s who of crap. The previous year? Averaged 7.1 yards per carry during the regular season, where they played one top-15 team (#15 Lousiville), where Love ran for 34 yards. In the playoffs, Love recorded 176 yards and 2 touchdowns. Sorry, let me clarify – in four playoff games, Love recorded 176 total yards and 2 total touchdowns. I’ll tell you this – if this is what’s selling, I’m not buying.
Final Word: Running backs are already ffdiculti to draft, and their value is especially questionable in today’s game. Love is immensely talented, but the reality is that his production drops off a cliff asgaint any tame with future NFL players.
- Jermod McCoy – CB, Tennessee
A Tennessee G(r)amblin’ of a pick.
44 TKL (59%) / 0.5 TFL / 4 INT / 9 PD

Lines up in press or deep. Fast enough to generally keep stride. Unafraid to play physical. Disruptive and handsy at the line. Played excellently for a sophomore, but really needed another year to develop and show his full potential. Better in man than zone, still learning the intricacies of where and when to switch but flashes the understanding. Never soundly beat – always in the area to make a play on the ball.
Not an impact player in run support, easily removed from the play on a block. Slow stop-start and change of direction. Often playing behind his man – not far behind, but half a steph behind nonetheless. Regardless of his 40 time, lacks the top end in-game speed to keep up with burners. Susceptible to a quick duck and go at the press. Needs to be more selective of when to risk a lunge at the line. Stiff hips. Without lining up deep, will get toasted on double moves. Poor play recognition & awareness of when to shift role. Perhaps a bit too physical at times – may be a flag magnet at the next level.
Two-year player (sophomore). Missed junior season (torn ACL).
Final Word: McCoy is going to be drafted on the promise he has shown, but there are major question marks. How has he recovered from his injury? How will it affect his development? Does he need another “redshirt” year? Why not stay in college another year and lock up a top-5 slot?
- Brandon Cisse – CB, South Carolina
Seriously, how do you pronounce that name?
27 TKL (70.4%) | 1.5 TFL | 1 INT | 5 PD | 1 FF

Fluid hips, powerful strides laterally and on backpedal, almost like a gallop. Aggressive tackler, unafraid to get low and hit. Top-end speed, rides stride for stride with anyone. Physical at the line. Kicks into another gear for nice closing burst.
Undeveloped zone coverage, played primarily man. Lack of starting experience, just one year. Over-aggressive everywhere – tackling, run support, biting on double moves or being handsy with a receiver. Would be more concerned about this if he were an experienced vet, but hopefully these are habits coaches can iron out.
Allowed just a 39.4% completion rate.
Final Word: Cisse needs to develop his zone abilities, but, and here’s a thought – if you’re a zone defense, just pick someone else? If you’re in the market for man coverage, he’s your guy.
- Monroe Freeling – Tackle, Georgia
Quicksand vortex.
0 Sacks / 0 Pressures / 5 Hurries

Eagerly finds a man to block. If job is done at the line he bursts to the second level. Maintains engagement when he gets his hands attached. Efficient lateral footwork, easily keeps pace with outside bend. Exploits leverage to seal off gaps. Drives through the whistle. Slippery for his size, effectively bounces out to lead in space. Immensely strong, never overpowered. Able to slide in and stonewall larger interior rushers.
Plays too high. Relies on overpowering defenders and being able to shove or drag them down. Sometimes lacks oomph and driving force in the run game. Run blocking is not exceptional, but not nearly so bad as the ranking suggests. Weakest part of his game is direct run blocks into the second level, he does not generate the power to lay out a linebacker, but decently holds position or disrupts their path to the ball carrier.
KEY MATCHUP: Alabama – Gave up nothing. Zilch. Nada. No pressure. No hurries. No run stuffs. Held his own inside and in space.
KEY MATCHUP #2: Texas (Third-lowest-graded game of year): Legitimately unsure what the problem is. He wasn’t king of the world but he more than held his own. Gave up a single run stop at the line. That’s it.
Final Word: Not a flashy pancaker or a freak athlete, but a strong and mobile blocker with sound fundamentals who efficiently stonewalls opposing rushers.
- Akheem Mesidor – Edge, Miami (FL)
Older than Shough, who was older than Knight, who was older than Christ.
63 TKL (60.3%) | 17.5 TKL | 12.5 SK | 55 PRS (15.3%) / 4 FF

Plays with intelligence – quick recognition when the ball is coming out, active hands to bat passes, expertly covers lateral/screen space when the lane could easily become no-man’s land. Shifty through the gaps. Smooth rip and swim through interior. Fights through play, motivated to fill role even when he won’t get the stat. Easily swats defenders away with quick arms. Keeps eyes up to track direction of play. Crafty use of his body to manufacture space and slip gaps. Relentless through the whistle and maintains the fight through contact. Sometimes wins through attrition alone. Shocking burst when disengaging to launch back into runs past the line. Knocks back blockers with an easy push at point of attack. Quick enough to keep blockers off balance and knows when to push the pedal on them. Flashes some agility with a smooth shoulder duck. Frequently demands attention from a second dropping blocker.
Listed at 6’3 280 but looks smaller. Larger tackles can halt him. Sometimes plays too upright to generate initial push.
Old man – six year player and got to match up against an offense already fully devoted to stopping Bain, his running mate. Has he reached his ceiling? Did he bully less physically mature players? Did he never need to worry about offenses paying him attention?
Final Word: I don’t know the answer to any of those questions, and that’s why he’s lower on this list.
- Makai Lemon – WR, USC
Could he even steal the lemons from my trees?
79 REC / 1,156 YD / 11 TD / 13 SCRIM TD

Shifty. Easily strides free of chasing defenders. Dangerous with the ball in his hands, threat to pick up yards after the catch. Flexible alignment, plays outside, slot, even in backfield. Secures the catch in traffic. Boxes out coverage to secure contested catches. Immediately breaks upfield to advance the catch. Smooth movement on twists and first directs. Artfully bounces off coverage and maintains his route. Specializes on winding deep routes with a complementary short RAC game.
Finds the soft spots in zone coverage. Knows where to sit and drift. Benefitted from playing with a future Day 1 pick at QB.
Body catcher. Doesn’t have the speed to create separation on vertical routes. Lazy blocker, doesn’t finish past initial bump. Small.
Final Word: Lacking the major physical traits of a Day 1 receiver or ability to create real separation, Lemon’s best skill is his ability to pick apart a zone. But that is teachable – the missing elements are not.
GUESSING GAMES
- Arvell Reese – LB, Ohio State
Jerruh knows his exact measurements. All of them.
69 TKL (49.3%) / Nice / 10 TFL / 8 SK / 23 PRS (22%) / 2 PD

Strong, easily overpowers much larger tackles. Rapid acceleration into overpowering push. Lines up at edge and in space. Elite physical traits – moves like he is half the size and hits twice as hard. Quick recognition. Lines up at multiple LB spots. FIghts through blocks, but does not always secure a clean release. Hustles, often works his way into the play. Agile pursuer. Freaky athlete, can play zone and cover some short routes in man. Does not miss tackles – only 4 misses all year.
Looks a bit uncomfortable when lined up MLB. Attacks too upright on rush. Lacking arsenal. Only move is to run fast and hard at the blocker. Teams will salivate at his profile and potential, but on the basis that they teach him to be a proper edge rusher. Does not excel as a rusher, nor as a backer. Teams are looking at his potential versatility, akin to Parsons. Everyone making that comparison needs to stop and watch what Parsons did in college. He was a fucking monster who put up 192 tackles in his freshman and sophomore seasons with 14 TFL as a sophomore. And even then, he was picked 12th as an off-ball linebacker because the Cowboys knew he needed to primarily play edge.
I don’t think Arvell Reese is an edge rusher. He’s a fast off-ball linebacker. That is not worth the number two pick. And like Parsons, he also only played two years. However – he had minimal impact first year, where Parsons had 83 tackles. Reese has 7 career sacks and 13.5 career TFL – while they have nearly equal sack numbers, Parsons had 14 TFL in one season. Reese only recorded sacks against two ranked opponents this year, Texas and Illinois. Neither team finished higher than fifth in their conference. He did not have a sack in his final 6 games. Generated only 5 total pressures and 6 tackles in those games, and these were not against only the cream of the crop. These games included Purdue, UCLA, Rutgers. Completely invisible.
There are many comparisons to Parsons. They were both drafted young (20). They were both hybrid linebackers who played at Big 10 bluebloods. They both finished with nearly identical sack numbers, and both are exceptional athletes. They both played their final collegiate game in the Cotton Bowl.
Parsons recorded 192 tackles in two years of college ball and then slammed a resounding exclamation point on his sophomore season with 34 tackles, 6 TFL, 3 sacks, and 3 forced fumbles in his final 3 – three! – games, and made jaw-dropping play after jaw-dropping play. Two of these three games came against ranked opponents, one of which was #3 Ohio State.
In three seasons, Reese has recorded 112 tackles. In his final three games at Ohio State as a Junior, Reese recorded 10 tackles, 0 sacks, 0 forced fumbles, and 0 tackles for loss. There was no exclamation point. There was a cloud of dust, a soft whoosh, and, gods forbid, a ringing telephone with a caller ID from Florham Park.
KEY MATCHUP: Indiana – Just no impact. No pressures until the end, where he flashed speed on a play Mendoza was already running from two other players. It was an impressive flash, but that’s what it was. A flash. Maybe 1 tackle? Played a lot of zone and did it well, but
Final Word: C’mon, Jerruh. Trade up. Take the pick. Please.
- Keldric Faulk – Edge, Auburn
Bulk or agility? Stormbringer or Mournblade? Oh King (K)Eldric, where shall your road lead…
29 TKL (79.3%) / 5 TFL / 2 SK / 4 PD

Solid versatility, attacks with power and speed. Squirmy, writhes his way into holes. Flexible across a 4-3 front, plays outside and in. Nice burst on the interior, tough for guards to match. Best move is a quick swim inside. No quit on the rush, keeps grinding to make an impact. Excellent run stopper, discards blockers and plants himself in the lane.
Lacks top end speed or strength. Struggles to disengage once caught. Won’t make the play when the run goes to the opposite side.
Caught as a tweener – needs to either become a power rusher or a speed rusher, but likely not both. I think the answer is power. He’s 6’6, 276, and seems to have a more natural proclivity and grit for it. He already punches above his weight class rushing inside. Yet he had a far better season as sophomore, where he was deployed as a pure edge rusher. Watching his 2024 tape, he was a demon run-stuffer. This one is a head-scratcher. Teams may want him to slim down, but I think she should bulk up and become a terror on the inside. He is quite young, and could still absolutely be growing into his body. Which is great, but also leaves open some questions.
Then I saw his bench press; 17. What on earth happened there? Hell, maybe he should slim down. But his other relevant measurables aren’t particularly better. He has a great 40 time (4.67) but I’m more interested in his ten yard (bottom 33%) and broad jump (61%), which match the eye test. There’s not enough explosiveness, especially if he wants to play edge.
Selected to the 2025 SEC Football Leadership Council, and has received immense praise from coaches and teammates alike for his character. Apparently even gave a walk-on teammate a significant portion of his NIL money so that they could stay in school. As always, this is a football channel, where we care primarily about how a guy plays football. But when you’re ultimately making educated guesses on which guys will develop and pitting imaginary context against woulda/coulda/shouldas, you need to grab onto a data point somewhere. In short – it’s a valuable tiebreaker when rankings start getting cramped outside the top tier.
Final Word: This season’s statistics were poor, but do not reflect his every-down impact or a dominant sophomore season. Faulk is a puzzle that is worth trying to solve.
- Markel Bell – Left Tackle, Miami (FL)
The Millenium Shield – 3000 Def, 0 Atk.
0 Sacks / 1 QB Hit / 14 Hurries

Massive fucking human being – 6’9, 345. Fast for size. Fluid hips to catch rips inside. Effortless lateral carry to follow the run direction. Must be 800 fucking pounds and still crisply rounds edges into the dirt. Active footwork. Shoulder checks rushers to the ground. Not running a 4.4 40, but the big guy can move to flash out screens. Just an absolute wall in pass protection. Intelligent pusher at the point of apex on speed rush. Spin moves do not work on Bell – he is too wide and quick. Powerful arm bar neutralizes a rush.
Plays too high, partly due to size, and susceptible to duck-ins. Does typically play at the right level, but needs to maintain consistency. Gets bullied in run blocks, does not effectively push the play forward but too often stands and catches. Does display the ability to move the pile – but too rarely. Struggles if he does not have the chance to get the first step or attack. Conditioning is a concern, fades as the play extends. Does not always know where to go or what to do when left without a direct rusher, would like to see a bit more anticipation on delayed rushes. Penalized a lot, 7 total (42nd most). Too reactive and allow rushers to control action when he should have already won the matchup.
Final Word: Fool’s gold, my friends. Fool’s gold.
- Sonny Styles – LB, Ohio State
A big ol’ bag of nothing.
82 TKL (56.1%) / 6.5 TFL / 1 SK / 1 INT / 3 PD / 1 FF

Huge and fast, but not the speed demon his combine numbers suggest. Wrestles through the line to secure scrimmage tackles. Strong pursuit at the line. At his best when he blitzes, generates instant pressure and is tough to stop.
Lacks hit power, rare to see him make the solo tackle – his solo tackle rate supports the eye test here. Atrocious form as well, lunges and grabs high, tries to drag down the carrier rather than hit. It’s the sort of tackling you expect from a defensive back, not a linebacker. Even when does finally drag down the carrier, it’s often after being taken along for a ride. Just constantly lost out there. Consistently attacks the wrong hole. The only time Styles makes a play is when the runner barrels straight into him.
Final Word: The amount of times I thought to myself, “wow, he sucks” is probably too high to justify taking him top five.
- Omar Cooper Jr. – WR, Indiana
New Mr. Nice Guy, or same ol’ Jekyll & Hyde?
69 REC / 937 YD / 13 TD

Icy footwork, leaves defenders on skates. This is a guy who creates space for himself. Effortlessly pulls away. Knows exactly where to slip between zones. Rockets off press. Catches through contact. Will be at his best running double moves for a traditional pocket passer.
Small stature, small catch radius. Nonentity as a blocker. Too easily knocked off course. Needs to develop his route tree. Runs few routes (albeit quite well) – an out, a streak, or a deep drift. Absolutely has the tools, perhaps this was just a scheme constraint?
Character concerns – Coach publicly called him out previous year. You can see he is less engaged when ball is not coming. Never speaking to teammates on field – seems to be in his own little world. Publicly faced no issues this year, but is this long-term maturity or putting on a face to get paid? And of course, it’s easier to go with the flow at 15-0 then taking questions from the New York Post.
Final Word: If he’s grown up, this is too low a slot, which means he’s likely worth the risk here.
- Jordyn Tyson – WR, Arizona State
Jackson…[First]…[Last]…Game 6?
61 REC / 711 YD / 8 TD

Unflinching focus to track wild or battered passes and create an unlikely catch. Strong vertical, shoots up, hangs and grabs it. Efficient runner with the ball in his hands. Excellent mitts, only 1 drop. Explosive cuts. Smoothly breaks press, often with a single move. Physical and fights through contact. Workhorse blocker.
Lacks elite speed to create easy bombs or the sudden acceleration to generate space on routes. Never feels like he is really open.
Final Word: Hard to make it as a big-time jump ball threat when you don’t have the size and speed, and lacks the elite agility and quickness to play in the slot or work the middle of the field. But crisp footwork and great hands provide a strong base to hopefully build upon.
- Emmanuel McNeil-Warren – S, Toledo
My pick to lead all rookies in personal fouls.
77 TKL (46.8%) / 5.5 TFL / 0.5 SK / 2 INT / 5 PD / 3 FF

Beastly run support, loves to swing the hammer. Delivers hits all over the field. Excellent pursuit, advanced instincts to find the hole, leverages hop steps to get into position and finish.
Undisciplined. Lazy pre-snap movement and positioning, lollygagging. Poor body language, often barking at teammates. Slow play recognition. Coverage is a major weakness. Poor zone discipline, needlessly leaves the middle of the field open. Shoves and bumps receivers when it is unnecessary, even at the cost of his keeping pace. Prematurely shoot gaps. Really struggles to track read-option. Inconsistent form when moving upfield. Not fast enough to match burners.
Unfortunate he has such a narrow frame – 204lb, 6’4. Wonder if he would make a better linebacker.
Final Word: Teams will be enamored by his size, but this is burnt toast waiting to happen. He’ll need to put on significant weight to play box safety against bigger bodies
GAMEOVERS
- Jacob Rodriguez – LB, Texas Tech
Churning, but more like butter than rubber.
128 TKL (49.2%) / 11 TFL / 1 SK / 4 INT / 6 PD / 7 FF

Effectively fills gaps and contains at the line. Patient, not overaggressive. Eager to get involved in the play. Tight grasp of zone spacing and knows when to pass off and adjust. Efficient shedder, bumps right off the block without slowing down. Strong tackler.
Painfully slow – will always need to fully turn with routes. Struggles to even keep pace with tight ends. Uncomfortable in coverage and space, looks like he is wading through mud. Fails to wrap up on horizontal runners or in space. Can be tricked – not rare to see him fully bite on a play action or option keep. Middling reaction speed and play recognition. Plays too much on his heels when he needs to attack and force the action.
Five-year player (switched from QB to LB after freshman year). Fifth in Heisman voting.
Final Word: Too slow. There’s nothing that can be said or done. Does not have the speed to compete in the NFL.
- Blake Miller – Right Tackle, Clemson
If only heart were enough.
2 sacks / 14 pressures

Great pounce at the snap. Plays hard, energetic, fights through the whistle. Excellent durability and brings experience. Has started every game he has played at Clemson, four consecutive years.
Too small (315). Gets bullied backwards. Must resort to clubbing and chipping as he always faces a size mismatch. Rarely secures the block, rushers freely bounce and disengage. Final Word: Gets by on grit and energy to compensate for lackluster size and strength, but that will not be enough at the next level.
Final Word: If Miller can seriously bulk up, there is real ability here. But I’m not talking 15 pounds. To play RT, you need to be BIG.
- Francis Mauigoa – Right Tackle, Miami (FL)
Beefcake, too well-done, steaks all sloppy.
2 sacks / 4 QB hits / 9 hurries

Strong piledrive on straightforward run blocks. Willing to (stroll) back into the play.
Unathletic movement – plodding and awkward. Does not flash power, rooted to the spot. Gets shoved off his spot. Sloooooowwww. Does not beat his man, so much as hold position. Moves languidly, almost lazy at times. Undisciplined – gets away with late or mindless hits. Blocks with his back straight up, fails to generate leverage or push. He’s less interested in running the play and more for someone to hit. Seemingly quits on plays, arms at his sides, only to run and find someone irrelevant to give a late shove.
Extremely short for a RT (6’0 flat).
KEY MATCHUP: #1 Indiana – fucking awful. Was absolutely cooked several times throughout the game, and that was when he did know who or where he should block. Several instances where he just looked lost.
Final Word: Jets just lost Alijah Vera-Tucker. I am…concerned.
- Olaivavega Ioane – Guard, Penn State
Bigger does not always mean better.
0 Sacks / 4 PRS

Active hands. Piledrives rushers to the ground without any need to build speed. Excellent run blocker. Huge, 6’4 328.
Suffers in pass protection. Gets lost, standing in place waiting for a rusher instead of finding a man or knowing where the pressure is coming. Does not always know when to leave a double and as a result kicks open the gate for a free rusher. Creaky change of direction. Struggles to maintain initial block through the play. Rushers inevitably rip past him. Too slow to effectively pave the path into the second level.
KEY MATCHUP: Oregon – Ugly performance. Got torn up on pass protection all night, unable to keep up with rushers.
KEY MATCHUP #2: Ohio State – horrific performance. Completely outclassed and spun around by every rusher. Failed to consistently maintain position and was often the point of breakdown. I will no longer be using the advanced analytics, because according to my eyes, their 0 pressures are completely incorrect.
Final Word: Sick name, at least.
- A.J. Haulcy – Safety, LSU
A missile in molasses.
88 TKL (55.7%) | 3 INT | 4 PD | 1 FF

Hits hard. Launches toward ball. Anticipates throwing lanes. Shoves hand in receiver’s mitts at point of catch. Plays fast and responsive. Hustles, runs through whistle. Lines up one-deep and crashes to line with surprising speed and fluidity. Skilled lateral movement when hunting running lanes. Mobile – lines up across backfield. Strong instincts, doesn’t hesitate. Anticipates plays. Flashes closing speed. Adept at playing center field, feel for when to keep lane and when to break. Plays passing lanes well when in position.
Lacks fundamentals on tackles – relies on athleticism and force, which results in big misses. More comfortable in run support than pass protection, strange as his primary spot is deep backfield. Clunky pivot/change of direction in coverage – stiff hips almost parallel to line of scrimmage. Caught flat-footed by even the most basic cuts. Uncomfortable backpedal.
Transferred twice (NM → Houston → LSU), one year at LSU.
KEY MATCHUP: #3 Texas A&M – 12 TKL (2 solo).
Final Word: Slow and uncomfortable change of direction and poor tackling fundamentals significantly limit Haulcy’s ability as an aggressive, roaming safety – the type of role his athleticism and build suit him best for. His natural instincts in the box will be tested by offenses forcing him into coverage.
- Garrett Nussmeier – QB, LSU
He’s not actually 32, but who doesn’t want to evaluate a QB?
1,927 YD / 67.4% / 12 TD / 5 INT
(2024) 4,052 YD / 64.2% / 29 TD / 12 INT

Accurate and fluid throws rolling out. Unafraid to thread wildly contested windows. Displays impeccable ball placement to make up for lacking arm strength. There are some throws where the imagination to even find the line or arc is stunning. Not a runner, but keeps eyes downfield when scrambling. Excellent pilot in the red zone – decisive and willing to make the big play, but also accurate enough to minimize the risk. Exceptional long ball placement. Capable of changing the play at the line. Strategic with back shoulders on routes where corner underplays the streak. WIll require a receiver with the awareness to look. Precise placement will create RAC opportunities, but the LSU offense did not often run slants drags etc that would take advantage.
Long windup to generate only lacking velocity. Slow release – stronger throws look taxing. How much of this is related to injury? Stares too long before throwing – he has already made the decision, but hesitates. Need to see more decisiveness from a fifth-year player. He does not throw to players that he knows will be open based on coverage – he is first checking to make sure they are open, and then scanning for nearby defenders. This combination will put Nussmeier at the mercy of NFL CBs. Fair to wonder if Nussmeier does not read defenses – many throws are predetermined, and when he does move to a second read, he does not know it will be open given his need to check. Does not effectively climb the pocket. Drifts back, and back, and back. Gets him into trouble when he’s fading, sometimes fail to hit the RB delay because he has sunk so far and has to throw off his backfoot.
Five-year player, two-year starter. Dealt with misdiagnosed torso injury in final season.
2024 (prime year) per game vs ranked opponents: 67.9%, 2.3 TD, 0.6 INT, 152.9 rating – would have ranked 14th nationally.
2024 per game vs unranked opponents: 57.1%, 2 TD, 2 INT. Would have ranked 100th nationally.
His full 2024 stat line comprised a 142.7 rating, which ranked 41st. For context, the top 5 included Jaxson Dart (#1, 180.7), Will Howard (#3, 175.3), Cam Ward (#4, 172.2), and Shedeur Sanders (#5, 168.2). Will Howard is the only one of these players who is older, and he was a sixth round pick.
3.0% turnover-worthy play rate. 4.5% big-time throw rate. 2.48s average time to throw on all dropbacks. Pressure drop: 26 points. Blitz drop: 15.
KEY MATCHUP(s):
2025 South Carolina (sixth game): 20/33, 60.6%, 254 YD, 2 TD, 2 INT. Still dealing with some signs of injury – stronger throws require significant windup.
- Vast majority of first quarter throws were screens.
- Aired it out in the second quarter with a well placed bong (not caught – PI). Threw a precise shot to the endzone boundary for his first touchdown. Lacking velocity especially apparent on comeback route – nearly (should have been) intercepted, the ball hung in the air. Held the ball too long on the next comeback, would have been easily intercepted if he were not hit and the ball trailed to the dirt. Picturesque 50-yard bomb bounced off his receiver’s chest. Followed that with a stunning rollout throw to the sideline into double coverage that sailed perfectly over one defender and into the receiver’s hands. Such a stunning throw that it is difficult to know if it was even a good decision – the margin for error did not exist. Should we penalize a player for doing something incredible, or consider what would be more likely? Worth noting it was only a 2nd and 10 with several minutes left in the half. Interception to end the drive. It wasn’t a horrendous throw, but he did overthrow his receiver by a few inches. Not a bad decision, but a tough window to lay in the ball. Another nice throw of 30+ yards dropped to end the half, right off the receiver’s hands.
Did not ever move past the second read on any play.
- Horrific interception at the goal line. Threw to his first read, right into the hands of the waiting zone. Predetermined throw. There was no trick coverage or shade – the linebacker hardly moved. He simply stood there and caught the ball. Is Nussmeier not looking at the defense presnap?
- Missed several dump offs to RBs this game because of his habit of drifting so far back in the pocket. Strong, aggressive highpoint to the goal line, but may have been more a receiver highlight than a great pass. Receiver soared and snagged the ball through falling contact.
2024 Alabama: 27/42, 64.3%, 239 YD, 1 TD, 2 INT
Final Word: Would have gone top-5 last year. What a world.
And now the Draftaholic returns to Valhalla to slumber and feed.